Singleness in Christ - Part 2

What do we have in many Churches?

The Singles Forum

This forum for singles; either younger people usually between the ages of 21 and 30 years old, or all ages are lumped together. The life experiences and perspectives of the younger age group are different to matured adult and as such there is usually a disparity in the content and discussions of such forums. Sometimes, the content of the forum is to provide opportunity for singles to meet and get married. However, for matured unmarried, marriage might not be their priority.  We end up with less matured single attending these forums.

The men and women groups

The Church also has men and women’s group, the former usually headed by the pastor or a matured man and the latter headed by the pastors’ wife. Most of the women’s programme I’ve attended focused on three areas; marriage, children and business/empowerment. The discussion and content would be within the context of marriage unintentionally excluding those women in the group that are not married. At some programmes, there are group discussions which might include content specifically relating to unmarried matured in the church, nevertheless there would be no follow up and we end up with one relevant activity in the year.

The activities for men and women are oriented towards marriages and families. Whilst these are fantastic to strengthen relationships and marriages, nevertheless, without any forum for unmarried adult it creates an unintended sense of exclusion.  I have experienced many instances where I would be invited (with hesitation) to join the couples’ event, really as an after-thought. It should not be about pitying unmarried matured people in the Church but providing forums for them to also have events and fellowship that meets their unique needs.

Sensitivity of unmarried adult especially women

Women by nature are sensitive human being. It is very easy for women to be offended. Unmarried adult, especially those that have gone through divorce, single parenthood, those worried about their ticking biological clock are very sensitive about their circumstances. In the midst of sermons and activities that preaches the perfect marriage, couples’ dinner, retreat etc., there is a sense of exclusion, feeling of guilt for divorce, loneliness as a young widow etc. Many are struggling with a sense of identity with questions like; is there something wrong with me? Is God really interested in my life? Am I as valuable as married people? As such they would not share their innermost concerns with women who seemingly have it better – have the loving husband, the children, and the perfect home. They focus on ‘spiritual’ activities – serving (or not) in departments but there is an emotional vacuum.

The pastors’ wives usually head the women’s ministry. Unless she herself had gone through the season of being unmarried matured woman, there will be a gap in relating to the challenges of an unmarried matured woman because the need is more practical (social relationships and needs) than spiritual.

What does the Church expect of unmarried matured? Join me in part 3.

I pray this inspires you to be more and do more for Yeshua Ha Mashiach (Jesus Christ).
#AdeolaAkintoye ©